This paper shows how individuals in late modern social conditions seek
to imbue dying, and caring for the dying, with meaning. Accounts prov
ided in a survey of 250 individuals who knew people who had died in th
e UK are examined. The analysis counters the view that the denial of d
eath is widespread in conditions where religion no longer offers indiv
iduals a meaningful narrative for the dying self. Scripts for proclaim
ing heroic self-identity in the face of death are promoted by cultural
experts and appropriated by many lay individuals. This involves a str
uggle against external and internal enemies to gain knowledge, the opp
ortunity to demonstrate courage and a beatific state of emotional acco
mpaniment in which 'carers' and dying people participate. Unlike more
traditional forms of heroism, this script deviates from celebrating so
lely masculine qualities and includes a female heroics of care, concer
n and emotional expression. At the same time, some deaths cannot be wr
itten into this script, which is particularly well suited to deaths fr
om cancer and AIDs. The deaths of the very old, the mentally confused
and sudden unexpected deaths are often difficult to interpret in these
heroic terms. Additionally, a rival script exists amongst some lay in
dividuals that stands in opposition to the professional consensus on t
he desirability of open awareness. This emphasises the benefits of con
tinuing the everyday project of the self oblivious of oncoming death,
with others shouldering the burden of awareness in an attempt to prote
ct the dying person against the strain of knowledge. This rival script
, however, commands decreasing allegiance in a society where the proje
ct of the self is rarely given over to the care of others, and trust i
s commonly negotiated in confessional moments.